Prayer and Teenagers

I was frustrated. As I adjourned another weekly bible study with my high school senior girls, I tried to hide my exasperation. Where had I gone wrong? How had another bible study digressed so much so that all we discussed were boys and sex?

When we first started meeting, during the girls’ junior year, our bible study had not been like this. But everything was different now. They were seniors: seniors with boyfriends, hormones, and college applications. And they were on the cusp of experiencing a new freedom; the freedom of being away from home and their parents’ rules for the first time in their lives. As they approached that freedom and graduation day, our discussions seemed to drift further away from the bible. Could I really even call it a bible study anymore?

I struggled with how to handle the situation. I was a new mother with an infant; was this worth being away from my own child? Would continuing our meetings even be productive? The questions swirled in my head for days.

As I prayed for a solution, a new thought came to me. What if I needed to stop trying to control and correct the situation? When no other solution presented itself, I decided to watch and wait.

Then unexpectedly, things began to change. One by one, each girl sought me out to be their confidant. Their ability to talk freely during bible study assured them that they could talk freely to me in private. They suddenly wanted my advice about their relationships, friendships, and all the decisions they were facing. I was no longer just their bible study leader, I was their friend.

As this transformation in our relationships occurred, so did my understanding of parenting and teenagers. All of these girls had reached an age where they no longer felt comfortable telling their parents everything that was happening around them or inside them. But they also needed guidance about how to correct their mistakes, clean up their messes, and get back on the right path. They wanted a person in their lives who would listen attentively, offer comfort, provide wisdom, and most of all, not judge them.

I thought ahead to my own child being seventeen years old and wondered, what will she not be telling me at that age? What will be going on in that precious heart and mind that she will not feel comfortable sharing with me? Despite all my best parenting efforts, what messes will she get into that she will try to hide from me?

It was frightening to consider all the possible answers to those questions. But thankfully, God has put a weapon at our disposal: praying for our children and for the people in their lives. As our children approach their teenage years, we should be praying for a godly role model to come into their lives. Our children need someone, other than their friends, to confide their thoughts and feelings that they could never imagine telling Mom or Dad. They need a person other than their peers and the media, who will provide not only answers to their questions, but wisdom and guidance during tough decisions and help in times of trouble.

As a mother, I dread the day when my daughter will begin to purposefully withhold parts of her life from me. While I hope that it happens later instead of sooner, I know it is the first steps of the leaving and cleaving process, and therefore inevitable. But until that time comes, my heartfelt prayer is that God would raise up a wonderful Christian mentor, who will help and guide my daughter as she navigates through the teenage years.

By Taylor Martin Wise, Copyright 2009