Parenting

There is something I think about on a fairly regular basis as my child and I progress through each and every day together: there is a significant difference between wanting to have a baby and wanting to be a mother.

For years, I was in no hurry to have a baby. All I could envision was that motherhood would consist of carpool and laundry and drudgery. And then one day I did want to have a baby, and God graciously gave us one perfect baby girl. She is now about to turn three years old and while I have discovered that being a parent is so much better than I ever dreamed it could be, the skill set I need now as opposed to the skill set I needed for a baby are very different.

For a baby, all the skills a person really needs is to be able to keep them alive and clean and cuddled. I think it is God's way to ease us into "parenting." Having a newborn is such a shock to our system with all the crying, sleepless nights, spit-up, and pee and poop that God gives us a period of time in which we are only required to manage their bodily needs before we have to dive in and begin parenting them.

But as hard as the baby phase can be, the truth is that parenting is so much harder. There is a battle every day between my self, such as my desires, feelings, preferences, moods, and my role as a parent. It is hard to choose to stop what I am doing and deal with my child when it would be easier to ignore bad behavior or pacify her and keep going.

I have to bite my tongue so I do not make excuses for my child when she is acting up, by saying she is hungry or tired or emotional or in a phase. It requires so much more energy to step in and discipline her when I have told her not to do something but she does it anyway. And I hate interrupting people in the middle of a conversation to correct or discipline or talk to her when she is ignoring me or being defiant, whiny, or demanding. I would much rather sit and talk, enjoy my meal, savor my drink, or continue my phone conversation than have to deal with my child's questionable behavior.

But then I remember that this is not about "dealing" with her or "disciplining" her. Instead, it is about me having a long range plan, and that plan is to raise a child who loves God and grows in obedience to Him. It is about me training her heart over a long period of time, 18 years exactly, to do the right thing, honor God with her actions, and live in a way that would please Him.

The one sure thing about this long range plan I have is that I am in way over my head and completely incapable of reaching my goals. I often feel as though there is no way I can train her heart when my heart still needs training and discipline from the Lord. How can I model for her the right ways to act and live when I still need so much work in so many areas? It is overwhelming at times to think how this task of training her is ever going to be accomplished.

But I know that God is on my side. I know He wants to help me in this, and is doing so as I seek Him and pray for His guidance. I pray for His wisdom, discernment, and most of all skill in my role as a mother. And despite all that I lack, I know He is working along side me and in spite of me and all my screw ups, to raise up another soldier for Christ. I know that I am not alone, that it is not all up to me, and that God is at work in my life and my child's life and our home, and and for that I am so very grateful and thankful.

By Taylor Martin Wise, Copyright 2009